When Friends Change

Well, folks, that’s it. One more year is officially finished. And honestly, sometimes things don’t always wrap up the way you thought they would. Sometimes they don’t really wrap up at all. And sometimes, that kind of sucks. But sometimes it isn’t as much of a let down as you thought.

College is a different world than high school. You know this, obviously. With this world comes a different set of friendships. I’m going to be honest, in high school (and sometimes now) friendships weren’t really something I did well. Or…at all. I wasn’t good at letting people into my heart, but when I came to college, I really wanted to change that.

So freshman year came and went and I had a great group of friends that I hung out with, shared life with, and laughed with. I was blown away because never had I experienced that kind of closeness with a group of people. There were seven of us and things were peachy. I felt safe and for the first time, I felt like I had friends that I could be real with. Then spring semester, my best friend started dating one of the guys in our friend group. I didn’t know how to be friends with him anymore. I thought it would be awkward. So I was down to 5 friends. Then another friend left our church and I never saw him. 4 friends. Then another friend started dating a girl and I felt forgotten. 3 friends. Things got awkward between another of those friends because of romantic interest. 2 friends. Summer hit and I was AWOL in another state. Suddenly I was down to one friend. But it was fine, because school was going to start and things would maybe go back to normal.

But they didn’t.

I was living with my best friend during my sophomore year, but we weren’t close anymore; we weren’t best friends and I had no idea why. She closed herself off to me and so I did the same to her. I found new friends. But I didn’t stop trying with that friend group of seven. I tried to be open. I made an effort to hang out. But no matter what, things weren’t going to go back to normal. Things had changed. I didn’t want to accept that, so I kept trying anyway.

This year kept on chugging and my roommate didn’t have time for me anymore. She had moved on with other friends of her own, her boyfriend, her classes. Trying wasn’t any use after so long. It wasn’t real. It was time to let it go. So we talked about it and I assured her that it was okay. I decided to release her from whatever obligation she thought she owed toward our previous friendship. I am not a project or a check mark on a to do list. I deserve real friendships as much as she does, and that’s okay.

Guys, sometimes things change. Sometimes you lose friends. Sometimes you gain them. Sometimes you realize when to stop trying or when to try harder. Just because friendships fade in and out of your life doesn’t mean that they weren’t important to you, or that they didn’t impact your life. Sometimes people grow apart. There’s nothing wrong with that. I changed the lives of my friends and they changed mine in a way, however large or small.

The point of all this is, is that you always, always grow. Remember the whole, high school, I don’t do friendships at all thing? Well, I did friendships. I was vulnerable. I lost friends, yeah, but gained some, too. I learned about myself. I learned about God. I became more confident. I figured out more about the world I’m in. I am not the same as when I started college my freshman year. It’s been two years since then and I accomplished something that I wasn’t sure I could. I watched God slowly but surely work on molding me into someone better.

So if your year didn’t end quite the way you thought it would, maybe it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate. I bet you grew and you didn’t even notice. And even if it was just a little growth, it took me two years to notice mine. Keep chugging. SCHOOL IS OVER. Enjoy some summer sun. Don’t forget the sunscreen.

XO

Kay

 

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